May 27th, 2005


This Is Getting Bad

For about a month now, my sleep schedule has been nonexistant. I sleep at random times, for random durations, and despite trying all the tricks I learned from more than five years of chronic insomnia, I can't get it under control. I woke up at 9:45 a.m. yesterday after about 7.5 hours of sleep. That's extremely reasonable, and would usually mean that, unless I forced myself to stay awake, I'd fall asleep between 1 and 3 this morning and get 7-8 hours.

It's almost 7, and I haven't been to sleep yet. I tried for two hours, 3-5, and failed miserably.

And, of course, irregular sleep was a major trigger for depression for me in the past -- coupled with my current state of being entirely adrift, badness could definitely result. And insufficient sleep dramatically increases my chances of getting both migraines and reflux attacks, though it can't cause either on its own. And it's bad for the immune system, increasing my chances of getting sick, AND it makes me clumsy, irritable, jumpy, and easily frustrated, which is a very bad combination when you're trying to carry a heavily-iced cake downstairs. Speaking of which, guess what I spent the last hour cleaning off the stairwell walls?

"When you have insomnia, you're never really awake and you're never really asleep." -- Fight Club

I wish I could post multiple moods at once. Exhausted, frustrated, sick, depressed, worried, and cranky all sound right.

Edit a minute later: I just noticed missing words in my last couple of entries. That worries me more than anything else.
  • Current Music
    the unending cacophony of my own brain