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Thursday, October 6th, 2005
12:21p - Zombie Healing!
There are two basic schools of thought as to what happens when you cast healing magic on a zombie. The first, known as the "World of Warcraft" or "wrong" school, holds that the zombie in question is healed of any injuries it may have received as it wandered the world of the living, increasing its ability to hunt for delicious brains.

The second, known as the "Final Fantasy" or "correct" school, holds that the zombie is in fact injured by the spell. Within this school there are two further competing thoughts: the Negative Hitpoints theory and the Accelerated Rot theory. The prior is the more common: namely, that zombies, and other undead, have negative life. Healing them adds life, bringing them closer to zero life, also known as death. The latter theory, proposed by Hajime Kanzaka of The Slayers fame, holds that the undead are actually immune to cure spells. However, zombies, unlike other undead, rot. This implies that bacteria, fungi, and other decomposers live in the zombie's flesh. Hence, a cure spell accelerates the reproductive rate of these decomposers, causing the zombie to decay more quickly, and hence take damage.

None of the above theories, however, satisfactorily explains why resurrection spells cause zombies to die, rather than, as might be expected, causing them to return to normal life. The Negative Hitpoints theory has the added flaw of suggesting that attacking the zombies (thus reducing their hitpoints to a more negative number) makes them stronger, which seems to be the case only in Xenogears.

Clearly, more research is required. Sadly, the NSF refuses to issue grants for postbiological OR thaumic research, and this is clearly both.


current mood: geeky

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